He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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