i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...