it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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