Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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