I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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