Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need to stop coming to work sober
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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