We're like a lot better than the average bears
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed