I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma