please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!