No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.