today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
