I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
