never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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