That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
