I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
