I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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