oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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