Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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