I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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