my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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