When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
