She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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