it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
