so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
