I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
