matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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