the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize