It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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