Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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