That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa