forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.