can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.