I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho