"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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