the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
MIDGETS
????
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
