Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
