you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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