Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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