The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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