i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
