Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
