I smell stomach acid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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