Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
