do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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