So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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