so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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