why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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