Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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