On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
