good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
