come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
