I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
