I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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