It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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