If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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