so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
