Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize